Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
