tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
