TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
