Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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