my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
