Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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