Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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