i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
