Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
