I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
