my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
