you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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