Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
