I want to make a zoo with you.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
