wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
