I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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