my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
