you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
