My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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