If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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