So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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