Got a toothbrush?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
