he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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