Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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