yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
