Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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