Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
