She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
