My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
