I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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