god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
