I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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