Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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