Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
