she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
