Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
