I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
