Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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