If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
