This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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