I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
