some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
