i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
