Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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