yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
