he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
