You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
