I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
