She's JV to your varsity
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
