You smell like a Billy Joel song
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
