I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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