I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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