I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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