your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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