I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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