used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
