an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
