Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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